Sex “Rules” For People In Long-Term Relationships

Feeling tired, full, and bloated is an intimacy killer. So instead of waiting until the end of the night to have sex, Morris says to get busy before going out. “If you have children, ask the sitter come early and take the kids out of the house," she says. You may find that connecting early in the evening puts a whole new spin on the rest of the night. And you may even want more of each other after dessert.

Flowers are sweet—but how about sending something a little more…raunchy? “I opened a package that had my name on it, and found lingerie inside,” says Lindsey, 41 who has been married for 12 years. “Apparently my husband did some surprise online shopping.” Kelly-Jones says that sending (or receiving) an intimate gift like lingerie, a sex toy or lube lets your partner know what they matter to you, and the surprise of opening it and finding something provocative can help set intimacy in motion.

First things first: make a commitment to yourself and your partner that you will not judge your bodies or the faces you make in the throes of passion. Then, set up a full-length mirror by your bed, or position yourself in front of a bathroom or closet mirror. “Watch your own face, your lover’s face, and your bodies as they move together,” says Morris. “It can be very sexy to see how you look while having a sexual connection.”

“Blindfold your partner while they listen to sensual music with earphones on,” says Lord. Then, she says, take it to the next level and experiment with objects like ice, feathers, melted wax, and coconut oil. “Not being able to see or hear heightens awareness and anticipation for sensations that are to come,” says Lord. “It’s the surprise and mystery that is exciting.”